The Procession to Calvary
Release Date: 9 Apr, 2020
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RRP: $9.99
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Press Quotes

“An animated montage of Renaissance art that’s been cut, mangled, and pasted to create a smart and funny tableau of Monty Python-style jokes.” - Polygon

“If Renaissance-era art was anywhere near as funny ... I’d probably know a lot more art history right now.” - RockPaperShotgun

“With crazily funny dialogues that will make you question your sense of humor … this Renaissance-themed adventure game will take you on a journey you have never been on before.” - IndieGameMag


About the Game



A time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for just one more murder... 
-Ecclesiastes 3:8

About


Huzzah! The holy war is over! Your oppressors have been vanquished, the churches of the Old God lay in ruin and thousands of innocent people have been murdered! But it's not all good news; the tyrant Heavenly Peter has escaped your clutches, and you have been tasked with the mission of finding him...

Your journey will take you through a richly detailed landscape built from hundreds of different Renaissance paintings. You will steal a ship, feed a donkey, compete in a talent contest, assist an inept street magician, sing, dance, play the (magic?) flute, poke a man's face, hunt for treasure and have a chat with Our Lord God Almighty... But will you find Heavenly Peter? And if you do, how will you take your revenge!?

Features


  • Pointing and Clicking – A traditional point and click interface, with a 'verb coin' interaction menu and a simple inventory from which you can drag and drop your preciously hoarded items.

  • Renaissance Artwork – Paintings by Rembrandt, Botticelli, Michelangelo and many more are brought together into one consistent world, in a way that is also as sympathetic as possible to the original works.

  • Classical Music – a soundtrack selected to fit with the style of the artwork. Music from classical composers such as Vivaldi, Bach and George Frideric Handel will accompany you on your journey.

  • Standalone Story - The Procession to Calvary is set in the same world as Four Last Things, but it's story can be played independently.

  • Optional Murder – You will be equipped with a sword. This will become useful in a number of different situation, but you will be strongly discouraged from using it on people. Ignoring this advice - and murdering anyone who stands in your way – will serve as a useful method of skipping any puzzles you don't like. But be warned; your actions might come back to haunt you...

  • Nonsense – A style of humour reminiscent of the surreal, anarchic comedy of Monty Python. Lofty subject matter is treated with refreshing flippancy. Gags about butts are taken very seriously. But rest assured, while some of the jokes may be ridiculous, the puzzles make perfect sense! (or at least adhere to a consistent internal logic)

  • Moments of Surprising Profundity – Actually, no... Don't read too much into it.



SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS

Windows
Minimum:
  • Requires a 64-bit processor and operating system
  • OS: Windows XP
  • Processor: 2 GHz - Dual Core
  • Memory: 2 GB RAM
  • DirectX: Version 10
  • Storage: 1 GB available space
Recommended:
  • Requires a 64-bit processor and operating system
  • OS: Windows XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10
  • Processor: 2 GHz - Dual Core
  • Memory: 4 GB RAM
  • DirectX: Version 11
  • Storage: 1 GB available space
Mac OS X
Minimum:
  • Requires a 64-bit processor and operating system
  • OS: Mac OSX 10.7
  • Processor: 2 GHz CPU
  • Memory: 2 GB RAM
  • Storage: 1 GB available space
Recommended:
  • Requires a 64-bit processor and operating system
  • OS: Mac OS 10.11
  • Processor: 2 GHz CPU
  • Memory: 4 GB RAM
  • Storage: 1 GB available space
SteamOS + Linux
Minimum:
  • Requires a 64-bit processor and operating system
  • OS: Ubuntu 14.04 / SteamOS
  • Processor: 2 GHz - Dual Core
  • Memory: 2 GB RAM
  • Storage: 1 GB available space
Recommended:
  • Requires a 64-bit processor and operating system
  • OS: Ubuntu 14.04 / SteamOS
  • Processor: 2 GHz - Dual Core
  • Memory: 4 GB RAM
  • Storage: 1 GB available space
First Blood
First Blood
Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed, for God made man in his own image. -Genesis 9:6
Duped!
Duped!
My wounds stink and are corrupt because of my foolishness. -Psalms 38:5
Who's a good boy!?
Who's a good boy!?
The beast I saw resembled a leopard, but had feet like those of a bear and a mouth like that of a lion. -Revelations 13:2
Magician's Assistant #1
Magician's Assistant #1
Nor did they repent of their murders, their magic arts, their sexual immorality or their thefts. -Revelations 9:21
Whoopsie!
Whoopsie!
The Lord is near the brokenhearted; he delivers those who are discouraged. -Psalms 34:18
King for a Day
King for a Day
And I will make thee exceeding fruitful, and I will make nations of thee, and kings shall come out of thee. -Genesis 17:6
Make a Friend
Make a Friend
The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. -Proverbs 12:26
Appease the Devil
Appease the Devil
You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father's desires. -John 8:44
Treasure Hunter
Treasure Hunter
The Lord shall open unto thee his good treasure... -Deuteronomy 28:12
Win the Talent Show
Win the Talent Show
Thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ! -Corinthians 15:57
Brawler
Brawler
Then I will act with hostility toward you; I also will strike you seven times for your sins. -Leviticus 26:24
The End #1
The End #1
When he had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit. -John 19:30

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